I have been contemplating furr awhile on if I should let you in on this infurrmation or not… but I think it’s time you all know some of our secrets on how us cats train you humans to do what we want when we want you to do it. It’s really not rocket science, our cute looks really play a big part in this purrocess. Down below I will let you in on a couple of tricks us cats use to train you.
How we choose our humans: Most of you all don’t realize this, but us cats choose which humans to live with, and which ones to avoid. Furr example, we try to stay away from humans that start sneezing when we get close – this is a good indication (and very startling) that they might be allergic to us. A good human will typically reach down at us and try to pet us and say something like, “awwww what a cute nice kitty”. At this point, we have you hooked… a little purr might be all it takes furr you to want us to come home with you!
Naming: It is typical that humans immediately give us cute little names when they get us. Sometimes they will even call out different names and see which ones we respond to, and that’s how we really get to pick our names. Our secret? If we don’t like the name, we act deaf. Once a cute name pops out of their mouths, we respond in a really cute way. Sometimes it will be a cute little meow, or a rub against your leg.
Getting fed on time: A lot of humans are on a different schedule every day with their eating habits. This is absolutely unacceptable in the cat world! We love set feeding schedules, our tummies rrrrumbling isn’t something that we enjoy. So how do we train you? We pick a time, usually around 5 in the morning. We typically start by vocalizing our hunger. If this isn’t enough, we jump up on the bed super quiet and stealthy just to tiptoe near your head. Once we have reached the head, we begin to purr quite loudly… hoping that this will wake you up. Maybe we will let out a cute little meow and flip over on our backs all cute-like. If this fails too, we then begin to take some steps on the human’s stomach or neck area. We like to push our luck on how far we can push humansbefurre they get upset. Now if this still doesn’t work, we bust out the last trick we have in the book of, “waking your human because you’re hungry”. We gently tap you on the face with our paw. Just a little tap at first, but we do hit harder until you respond. This trick usually solidifies you humans getting up, and once you do, we run to the food bowl so you know exactly what we want.
Hairballs: Humans need to brush us on a regular basis or else we can get hairballs or knots in our furr. Hairballs and furr can give us upset tummies, and when the weather gets warmer we shed a lot. How do we remind you that we need to be brushed? Simple. Lay on your shoes, clothes, bed, couch, and roll around to leave furr behind. If they still do not get the brush out, we sit on your laps and toss and turn to get comfurrtable (and to spread the furr). This trick only works best if they are wearing colors that don’t match with the color of our furr. As far as vomiting, we have to be smart about where we do it. We typically try to find something that you humans like a lot… like your bed or where you stand to make your favorite cup of coffee or on the rug right next to the linoleum/hardwood floor. We are only doing this in hopes that you’ll brush us more so we don’t have all the extra furr traveling around with us wherever we move.
Now, I’ll only give you one more trick that us cats use to train you humans. Ever notice how we never like closed doors? I couldn’t tell you why, but we just don’t. We like to be able to go where we want, when we want. When you close doors, you are purrrventing us from going where we want. Sooooo, what do we do? Sit in front of it and meow. If that doesn’t work, we get on our hind legs and scratch at the door loudly to get your attention. Once we officially get the door open, we like to rub our cheek against your leg and be cute… then walk away. It isn’t that we wanted to go anywhere, it’s just that we didn’t want the door shut.
All of us at Twin Maples have perfected the tricks above and we have our humans trained very well. We get food when we want, come upstairs when we want, and shed wherever we want. You all are so gullible that anything works, especially since we are so cute 😉 Don’t think your kitty does these tricks on you? You’re wrong. ALL of us felines know these dirty tricks to manipulate you! Heheheheheeheh.
Ta-ta furr now!